Back to Life, Back to Reality

(The picture above is I-75. This is what we saw for four hours as we drove from Tampa to Atlanta.)

Considering how much time has gone by since my last post, I knew that I had to update our blog to let you all know that we are alive and well.  A month has gone by since we learned that the baby boy we were adopting had died.  Time flies usually when you are having fun but also when you are in the midst of wondering how you are supposed to get through each day.

I wanted to thank all of our friends who have left such kind comments on our adoption blog, on our facebook pages, via email, through voice messages and via mail.  Your words have encouraged me.  I am such an introverted person that after I poured out my thoughts in my post about Kiya, I really didn’t have much left to say.  So, while I haven’t responded to any emails or to your comments, please know that your words have meant the world to me and have given me hope through some of the darkness.

What I have learned these past four months as we lost our domestic adoption and then lost our little Kiya is that our story is not unique.  While maybe many couples do not lose both an adoption to fraud and then a second adoption to death within four months like us, we are not the first couple to encounter such loss so dramatically.  And some of the stories you all have shared with me are even more devastating than ours.  If you are reading our adoption blog and in the midst of turmoil, I do want to encourage you and tell you that you are not alone.  Your thoughts, your situation, your loss, others have experienced it.  Grieve your situation and grieve your loss.  And know that others have walked a similar road to yours and have overcome it.

I have to admit that I have struggled with hope this past month.  Or should I say, the lack of hope.   I also struggle with figuring out what the heck God is trying to show us.  But I have seen that God has sustained us through this time.  Our marriage is still strong.   Our families are healthy.  We have a roof over our heads.  Every morning and night (at 6 am and 6 pm) we have two dogs and a cat who are super annoying hyper until we feed them.  We still have my frugal blog that needs to be attended to every. single. minute. of the day.  Life has to be continued and I’m thankful for that.

Jeff and I had an amazing 4 day reprieve of adoption talk earlier this month when we went to a blogging conference I had scheduled on the calendar for the past 10 months.  We went to Atlanta.  It was my bright idea to drive there to save money (you can see from the picture above that our drive was very relaxing – please note my sarcasm).   Despite the torrential rain that we drove through for about 4 of the 8 hours enroute to Atlanta, our trip was refreshing.  It was so refreshing that I realized on our drive back that not once did we talk about adoption while there.  Instead, we game planned about my blog Addicted to Saving and tried to figure out how to grow it and work smarter (smarter for us means less – 10 hour days, 6 days a week kills me).  My savings blog has grown entirely organically.  It started in 2009 and now here we are in 2012 and at the blogging conference we finally learned what SEO means and how it works.  So for Jeff & I, the conference was enlightening and so much fun.  We were a team tackling a challenge (learning what the heck everyone was talking about and why the heck we didn’t already know everything) and we came back from the conference exhausted and yet refreshed as we had new goals for ourselves and our business.

Within 36 hours of being back in town, our minds did go back to adoption thoughts and talks.  I guess the song that goes “back to life, back to reality, back to the hear and now yeah” is appropriate.

If you are reading this wondering whether we have “new” adoption news, we don’t.  And I’m okay with that.  There is a part of me that wants to get excited as we wait for our new referrals.  But there is another part of me that is so hesitant to pursue adoption that I wish I could just get my money back and run away to Italy, buy a piece of land, open a vineyard and figure out how to grow grapes suitable for fine wine.  Fight or flight I guess.  But I know deep down in my heart that God wants us to adopt. I know He wants EVERYONE to care for the orphans and the widows in some capacity.  And I know that in the end, His will will be done and we will have a house full of Ethiopian kiddos and I will be at my wit’s end trying to figure out how to run our company while at the same time chase my children around the house and throughout the neighborhood.  I look forward to that day.

We have about 1.5 – 2 years of waiting for our Ethiopian referral with our first agency.  And we have an undeterminded amount of time with our new agency (the agency we were adopting Kiya with).  We are also about to enter the really busy time of year for blogging (Black Friday and Cyber Monday are the two craziest days of the year for us) so I know that time will go fast from a work standpoint.

All in all though, we are okay. And please know that we are thankful for all of your kind words and encouragement.  And I’m hoping that next week, Jeff will blog a bit more about his time in Ethiopia and Uganda.  Because he saw some amazing things and met some amazing people.  And the stories need to be shared.

One Response to “Back to Life, Back to Reality”

  1. Jennifer Darnell

    Hi there, I was just reading your blog. You guys have been through so much. I wanted to give you a bit of hope. My husband and I had a long journey too. I learned some big lessons along the way. I had to learn that all that waiting I did God was waiting too. It really is in Gods timing. I learned, of you have the desire to want kids God will give you your hearts desire. My husband and I adopted two children through Social Services here in Wilmington NC. We couldn’t afford adoption fees so we became foster parents only to adopt. It took 4 years, a leap of faith to adopt our 1st child and two years for the second child. I want to encourage you to stay strong and have faith that God will show you both the way like he did with my husband and I. Be very specific in your prayers. Ask God to reveal his plan to you. Write down everything that has bothered you through this whole process, and really tell God how you feel. You have asked God and told him what you want, now you need to find out what he wants you to do next. I’ll be sending up some prayers for you and your husband. Continue to be strong and keep the faith. Looking back on my journey, I can see the whole picture now and why we waited so long. I should write a book about all the wonderful things God revealed to me. From reading your story it sounds like he is going to show you a few things to. They will be ah ha moments. Can’t wait to hear the rest of the story. You are blessed.

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